We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
40s are totally the cure
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
