i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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