So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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