How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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