I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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