if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
