Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
