your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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