Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
