Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
