Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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