I wanna bring you to show and tell
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
