just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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