You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
