Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
