im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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