Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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