I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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