Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
whose parrot is this?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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