I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
