i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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