either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
