I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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