her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
