cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
