If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
