so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The best revenge is premature balding
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
