you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
