Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
