I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
