THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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