i just wanna soil my oats bro
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
