Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
