Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
