but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
