On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
