i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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