Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
