ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
