he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
