The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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