How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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