After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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