If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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