why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
