just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
