I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
