are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
