I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
