she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
