I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
