I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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