you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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